


Hazy Shade of Winter

by asakurafan (mad_en)



Category: Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman & Related Fandoms, Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman | Science Ninja Team Gatchaman
Genre: Angst, Anime, Canonical Character Death, Drama, F/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7669210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_en/pseuds/asakurafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team has to deal with Joe's loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hazy Shade of Winter

Cold. Empty. Raw.

Victorious, yet defeated.

Walking into the bar, she let the door close behind her and tossed the keys on the counter.

Alone.

Finally.

Jinpei was with Ryu, exhausted by the funeral. Ken was _God Knows Where._ Not with her. Never would be, it seemed, for all Joe's encouragement.

Joe.

 

The pain started again, building in pit of her stomach - the pain that kept threatening to overwhelm her, which she kept in check by short bursts of quiet tears.

Need to maintain. Go to the jukebox. Put something on. Anything.

Titles a blur.

Damn.

Hit the random button.

Damn.

One of Joe's favorites.

Not ever acknowledged of course, but still, she'd heard him softly sing along-saw the look on his face when he thought he was unobserved. She was one of the few who could catch him off guard.

 

_Time, time, time_

_See what's become of me_

_While I looked around_

_For my possibilities_

_I was so hard to please_

 

The threatened sob welled up into a dry, anguished scream.

He can't be gone.

He can't.

He can't.

 

_Look around_

_Leaves are brown_

_And the sky_

_Is a hazy shade of winter_

 

Anger. No, not anger. Rage.

Burning hatred.

Hatred of Gallactor, hatred of this whole war that had torn her world apart for almost as long as she could remember.

She glanced around the empty room. It looked as it always did. But it would never look the same again. Never.

The music pounded louder and louder, competing with the noise in her head.

 

_Time, time, time_

 

Now they would all have time.

Except Joe.

Joe ran out of time.

 

_Hear the Salvation Army Band_

_Down by the riverside_

_It's bound to be a better ride_

_Than what you've got planned_

_Carry a cup in your hand_

 

Only Joe had always sung _"Carry a gun in your hand."_

She was suddenly aware of the comforting bulge of her yo-yo pressing against her hipbone in her pocket. A second later it was out, warm in her trembling hand.

 

_Look around_

_Leaves are brown_

_And the sky_

_Is a hazy shade of winter_

 

She glanced up at the bar. Rows of bottles gleamed dully in the darkened room, reflecting the outside neon.

One bottle stood out. Joe's favorite.

 

_Hang onto your hopes my friend_

_That's an easy thing to say_

_But if your hopes should pass away_

_Simply pretend_

_That you can build them again_

 

Reflex kicked in.

The sound of glass shattering, liquid spilling off the shelf somehow helped.

She let fly again.

Glass shattered, flickering shards everywhere.

Again the yo-yo flew, again the sound competing with the screaming in her head. Punctuating the beat of the music.

 

_Look around_

_Grass is high_

_Fields are ripe_

_It's the springtime of my life_

 

She paused to catch her breath. One face, then two, merging into one in her mind's eye. Her anger fuses them. The ones she loves, in different ways; the ones she hates at this moment- in different ways.

One for keeping his distance.

One for never coming home.

 

Again the weapon flew; again the targets splintered.

Again.

And again.

Then the shaking started. She realized her face was wet with hot tears, and her throat sore from the screaming that she hadn't heard above the noise in her head.

 

_Seasons change with their scenery_

_Weaving time in a tapestry_

_Won't you stop and remember me_

 

She sank to her knees, sobbing.

 

_Look around_

_Leaves are brown_

_There's a patch of snow on the ground_

 

Ken stood outside the Snack J, watching her through the window. The glass reflected the pain on his face. When she slid to the floor, he turned, and walked silently off into the dark.

 

*********

 

Ken had watched her fall apart- for the first time realization that he wasn't the only one destroyed by pain hit him; yet he could do nothing to help her. He got back in his car and realized he too was shaking. The Gatchaman, who never so much as flinched at danger, was trembling.

Joe can't be gone.

He can't.

He can't.

Ken closed his eyes against the unwanted tears.

He's gone.

Maybe if he repeated it to himself he would begin to believe it. Gunning the engine, Ken roared off toward the highway that would take him out of Utoland.

The words of the song echoed in his mind. He couldn't even pretend to rebuild his hopes; he had lost far too much in the war with Galactor- his father, now his brother. What hopes did he have left?

Jun.

Always, in the back of his mind, in the corner of his heart, had been Jun.

But what could he offer her now? He was a shell of a person- he had spent so many years trying to hide his feelings. Joe had seen right through him though. At the end, he had heard Joe what Joe said to Jun. Joe had wanted something more for her; something that he felt Ken could give her. But could he?

 

He pulled off to the side of the road at an overlook. Utoland lay spread out below him in a million twinkling lights, and one of those lights was the Snack J, where he had left Jun sobbing on the floor because he was too empty himself to comfort her. He could hear Joe's voice in his mind.

_"Go back, don't be an idiot."_

 

_Look around_

_Grass is high_

_Fields are ripe_

_It's the springtime of my life_

 

His whole world had suddenly changed, was suddenly full of possibilities he had never dared to think about before, and he had no idea what to do, nor any hope left. Twenty years old; he felt at least twice that. It was definitely no longer springtime, Ken decided grimly. He'd bypassed the rest, and gone straight to winter.

 

_Seasons change with their scenery_

_Weaving time in a tapestry_

_Won't you stop and remember me_

 

Joe.

Ken buried his face in his arms on the steering wheel and sobbed.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Bangle's recording of the Simon & Garfunkel classic, which is quoted without permission.  
>  _"Hazy Shade of Winter"_  
>  Bookends (P. Simon, 1968)  
> Lyrics retrieved from the World Wide Web:  
> http://freespace.virgin.net/r.kent/lyrics/bookends
> 
> The usual fanfic copyright disclaimers- everyone and everything in here (with the exception of the song) belongs to Tatsunoko. No money is being made and no infringement is implied. The story itself is mine.


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